I’m not a natural born shopper. Perhaps I’m too cynical – perceiving adverts as little more than pretty lies by default, gross manipulations seeking to appeal to my most monkey impulses – or too neurotic – I will take the time to calculate the cost/weight ratio of food or factor in how effectively dog shit can be removed from shoe tread, variety presenting a kind of assessment hell – but, whatever the case, the imprint didn’t take to make me a good American consumer — the true measure of our public education system. So I’m dubious of any effort made by any sort of marketplace to either become or convince me that it already is my one-stop shopping destination. Amazon has become one of those things.
WASHINGTON — With the imminent meltdown of Donald Trump into an existential crisis over the paltry size of the his withered inauguration crowd – what he’s described as a “sea of love,” Senator Al Franken (D – MN) has reluctantly agreed to reassure the 45th president that he’s good enough, he’s smart enough and that people like him.
Washington DC — President Donald Trump has hired actor, Gary Busey, to head his investigation into reports of widespread voter fraud that the newly sworn-in president believes robbed him of the the popular vote.
When 2016 Democratic presidential candidate Martin O’Malley called Donald Trump a carnival barker, he couldn’t have been more right. And this empty suit’s inane, incessant barking – or tweeting, rather – and the rest of the Trump sideshow featuring Americans’ worst impulses is broadcast at me as breaking news, sponsored by pharmaceuticals one might be tempted to, indeed, ask our doctors about in order to cope with this bullshit — at least while we can afford to before congressional Republicans take away taxpayers access to healthcare … again. Yes, pay no attention to those boring legislators quietly pulling levers and pushing buttons behind the curtain over there in dull old Washington. No, here’s the latest incendiary statement from Donald Trump and reactions to it from very important people whose opinions you must care about. Can you believe it!? How exciting! Have some more! There’s always more.
For decades Republicans have turned out so-called family values voters but none have excited these people more than Donald Trump. These are the people Barack Obama referred to during his 2008 presidential campaign who “get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.” The people Hillary Clinton referred to during her 2016 presidential campaign as a “basket of deplorables.” Both candidates backtracked but their assessments of an angry, fearful, ignorant undercurrent in America – turned outright riptide of naked hatred by Donald Trump – is, unfortunately, spot on.
One of my favorite features of the holiday season is Christmas lights. They’re like a cheerful “fuck you” to what is otherwise the darkest, bleakest, coldest, dirtiest, deadliest, most expensive and yet least prosperous time of year.
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.
Mencken’s famous quote continues to resonate in Donald J. Trump’s case – arguably the bloviating presumptive billionaire’s modus operandi – and has once again borne fruit for the consummate confidence artist in the office of president overseeing one of the most powerful nations in the modern world. Though, whether Trump holds his most recent acquisition as a reward is yet to be seen — the presidency rapidly ages those who occupy the office, something Trump’s fast food diet can only exasperate (I’m half this asshat’s age and I can’t eat that way!), he is already the oldest president ever elected and, so far as I can tell, this will be the first actual job this daddy’s boy is expected to show for up in the seven decades since he began his creep on the world that he now holds in his stumpy hands.
A friend of mine wanted to watch one of her favorite movies, Casino, the other day. She owns a copy on DVD but her Blu-ray player was being uncooperative so she looked through the Roku catalog online for it. No luck whatsoever. But twenty years ago she could’ve walked into a video rental store, found the movie there and enjoyed it that day (assuming her VCR worked).
I hate shopping. But inevitably I need new things to replace old, worn out things. Such is the tyranny of maintenance, to paraphrase Tom Robbins. Threadbare things, in this case. Clothing.
It wasn’t enough that Vans no longer made the suede high-top shoes I’d grown fond of (and nearly walked the soles through) over the last six years and that every brand carrying a similar style vandalized the damn things with their trademarks emblazoned so obscenely large across them that they should pay people advertising revenue to wear them (Adidas, I’m looking at you!). Nothing screams quality like a walking billboard you too can have the distinguished privilege of paying to wear! By the time I ended up settling on a nice pair of DC brand shoes that satisfied most of my criteria, the sales person had long since given up trying to help me make up my mind.